SEEKING PURPOSE? HERE’S A CLUE WHERE TO SEARCH

“The greatest tragedy is not death but life without purpose.” ―Myles Munroe

Until now, most folks around the world―and I am one of them―have been ensnared by a fairly predictable routine: Wake up. Go to work. Eat. Sleep… Wake up. Go to work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat…

Survival, it seems, has been the primary motivation for waking up in the morning. “But surely, there must be more purpose to my life than working to live and living to work?” you might have thought.

And now the wicked coronavirus disease outbreak that has brought a huge shift in our way of life. It is disrupting not just our routines, but also governments, business, learning, travel and the healthcare system. The world is at a standstill, with the pandemic becoming a huge stressor for individuals―young and old―and triggering anxieties, fears, uncertainties.

“What does the future hold for me and my loved ones?” one wonders, “And what’s the meaning of life, anyway?”

The Jewish professor of psychiatry and neurology, and Holocaust survivor, Dr. Viktor E. Frankl,offers great lessons on finding meaning in life. 

Dr. Frankl endured a gruesome experience at Auschwitz and other Nazi concentration camps during World War II. In his bestselling book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Dr. Frankl describes the emotional ‘death’ he and other prisoners underwent within a few days of confinement. Witnessing the grim murders of loved ones, beaten and forced into cruel labour, cold and hungry, constantly fearing for their own lives, they had every reason to give up hope.

Soon, Dr. Frankl observed that their dreams and conversations were starting to centre solely on food. He also observed that the victims developed a ‘sheep mentality’ during their long, difficult marches to work. To avoid being noticed by the guards and get punished for every tiny mistake, everyone did their best to crowd into the centre―to be inconspicuous.

Later he noticed that he and other victims had developed a fear of making decisions or taking initiative, preferring rather to allow fate to take its course, as usually seemed to happen anyway. So when he eventually escaped from the death camp, he found it most difficult deciding what to do.

How do you rise above the unimaginable?

Paradoxically, he discovered that the kind of person one became in the bestial concentration camps was the result of an inner decision, rather than an outward reality. Dr. Frankl found meaning in the midst of enormous difficulty when he focused outside himself―with thoughts of his wife, the beauty of nature, or in humour, for instance.

Suffering under the Nazi barbarity was extreme; something most people will hopefully never experience. But Frankl’s observations are relevant in everyone’s particular circumstances.

We must find our purpose in the midst of the difficulties, pain, anxieties, fears and uncertainties of everyday life. Circumstances such as brought by the coronavirus pandemic―financial ruin, health challenges, loss and grief―straddle through our lives. They are the reality of our world. But they do not take meaning away from our lives. If we wait for circumstances to be perfect before we find our purpose, we will deny ourselves the opportunity to live a truly meaningful life. 

It is true that no one can tell us the purpose of our lives. We must find it for ourselves. But Dr. Frankl has given us an amazing clue, not on what the purpose is, but on where it is to be found―outside ourselves.

What draws you out of yourself and transcends your circumstances? It may point the way to your purpose in life. In the quietness of the current moment, make a choice to find it. Pursue it.

Happy Easter.

Copyright ©2020 by David Waweru. Photo by Luis Quintero from Pexels.

DON’T SHY AWAY FROM GRIEVING: IT BRINGS HEALING

“For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.” –Khalil Gibran

So, this is how life happens. One moment, it’s flowing all very smoothly. Then. The phone rings. Happy your auntie remembered you on a warm Sunday evening, you greet her cheerfully. But you detect an unusual tone. And a sense of urgency. “My big sister’s been caught in an accident,” she announces. Meaning my mom.

The fourth week of January 2020 marked one year since mom passed away. It was a tough week for me. Just like the previous year when she was fighting for her life, I didn’t sleep much, my mind replaying the events leading to her death in January 2019. 

We’ve all experienced it; the sting of death, expressed in the grief it brings. And grieve we do, when we lose a loved one―a grandparent, a parent, a child, a sibling or a friend who has been a constant in our lives. Whether the events leading up to the death are unexpected or we see them coming over a period of time, whether the dear departed is in their prime, or elderly, ill or in perfect health, the loss is always profound.

And we mustn’t shy away from grieving. It brings healing.

Allow yourself to grieve. There isn’t a deadline by which you should now be fine. Don’t buy into any such suggestion. There isn’t a specific quantity of tears. Be kind to yourself, take care of your health, rest and sleep, spend time alone when you need to and with true friends when you need company. Avoid the toxic people in your life when you’re not feeling strong. Be kind to other family members. They too are grieving and need to heal. Give them a call, give them some space when they need it, bring them a surprise gift.

And then it begins to get better. It really does. Slowly but surely, instead of tears when you think of your loved one, a smile might come. A beautiful memory. Gratitude at having known such a wonderful person. We sometimes don’t fully understand the extraordinary qualities of the people that surround us till they’re gone. 

First anniversaries can be tender―the first death anniversary, the first Christmas, the first wedding anniversary, the first birthday… without your loved one. It’s good to laugh and cry at the memories with your family and friends. Your loved one somehow seems to come to life in your memories, in your laughter and tears.

But isn’t it beautiful that no person that ever lived can cease to exist? Besides the hope we have for eternal life, they live in our memories, laughter, tears and hearts.

So, if you are in a grieving period, don’t forget to mingle a smile or two with the tears, and to take to heart the lesson they teach us: Memento mori, remember your mortality. Make your life count.

May the river flow gracefully to the sea.  

Copyright ©2020 David Waweru. Photo credit: Photo by Serkan Göktay from Pexels.

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